I start my 42nd year today. Who knew it would begin like this!? Crazy (say in a really high, sing-songy voice). I was born on a bit of a controversial day. Some say it’s Aquarius, some say Pisces. I prefer to just say I’m bi-zodiac. EQUAL MARRIAGE FOR BI-ZODIACS! (Oh, wait … that’s another topic).

Today, my mantra is forgiveness. This is such a loaded topic … such a loaded word. To be honest, I am bit nervous writing about it because I know how easily it could be construed as me telling others what to do. Please know: I AM NOT. I am simply sharing with you my feelings and thoughts on one of the heaviest human facets. In fact, forgiveness might be too loaded to even meditate on sometimes. Compassion might be the right tact. However, for me today, it was forgiveness.

It’s an important topic for me because I tend to be quite self-righteous. The first time I ever uttered the words, “I could be wrong,” was, embarrassingly, not too many years ago. But now, I try to say, “I don’t know” and “I see your point,” as often as I can.

With the Anusara earthquake of 2012, I’ve tried (and often failed) to say, “I forgive you” a lot. There have been so many opportunities this past week to judge and choose and accuse. I feel like I’ve been in a hurricane of opinions for the last week (is it hyperbolic to use two natural disaster terms in one paragraph?)

Sometimes it’s a piece of cake to forgive and sometimes when it hurts to your soul, it seems impossible like with betrayal or abandonment. Again, I’m hesitant to even write about it, wary of if I’ll be able to do it the next time, when it might be even harder to do.

Still, I have tried to forgive as much as I can those who choose differently than I do.

Let me be very honest. This past week has been painful. My disappointment in my teacher has been hard to bear. And I have been sad and yes, disappointed as well from the resignations. I’ve been disappointed in some of my own thoughts and actions. Still, I tried to remain as neutral and steady as possible. Today, I felt the need to share how I’m dealing with my sadness and disappointment.

Forgiveness sounds so simple, but it’s not. For instance, I can imagine someone would read what I said above and interpret it as me accusing the people I disagree with as having made the wrong or even bad choice. The fact is, I don’t think that. And forgiveness is not an accusation. Forgiveness is what you do before you decide to agree or disagree with someone else’s actions.

Similarly, it seems people tend to not forgive because of the fear that forgiveness is enabling or condoning actions in situations where it’s pretty obvious the person being forgiven really has screwed up. Here too, this is not what forgiveness is.

Forgiveness is before you give your own action. Get it: (be)for(e) giveness.

Whether or not you choose to enable or to align or condone or refuse or fight; these are the things that happen after the moment of forgiveness.

In other words, we get scared that if we forgive, we might make the situation worse. Even though that’s understandable reasoning, it’s just not true.

What forgiveness actually does is stir up compassion and humility. And while I have a lot to learn, one thing I learned this week was compassion, humility and forgiveness have given me more power to confront and act than I’ve probably ever known.

So, I started my new year today here in Singapore, which like last year in Seoul is fun to do because it seems like it lasts for two days with the international-date-line thing. I started it by meditating on forgiving all those who have gone a different way or who made choices I deemed wrong or choices my ego told me were wrong because they were counter to mine.

I forgive not as judgment or as acquiescence, but as openness and as surrender to not being 100% sure about anything.

Listen, I get it: forgiveness could be a slippery slope to a repeat of the same mistakes. But it’s just not true. The backslide happens right after. And yes, possibly so soon after, it’s difficult to distinguish it from the forgiveness moment. But when you forgive, you actually clear the decks. You open up all the options. You have more choices when the heart and mind are open than when they are closed. And I love having options. This is why for me, forgiveness is not just compassion, it is empowerment. Then the work really begins. The next moment is when you decide where your stand, what you choose.

So here I go, forgiveness, check. Ready to start my 42nd trip around the sun.

Good Morning Everyone.

It’s 520am here in Singapore. I just finished meditating and had some thoughts to share:

My meditation started in the shower actually (or it was probably just that I was still asleep). I watched the water fall and it reminded me of the joke my friends used to do when things were bad or crazy. We used to pick up a book or a pencil, drop it, and say, ” Gravity check … whew … at least that still works.” This morning, the water was falling just like every morning. Gravity check. Whew!

Then I did the sitting kind (of meditation that is), to go inside. When I finished, I thought: What do I want to happen?

My answer: I want to keep teaching the yoga that has changed my life. Keep teaching the tantric philosophy I follow as a Christian and as a yogi. I want to have fun, smart, interesting people in my life. And I want to keep getting better and help other people do the same. I want to work hard and accomplish a lot and I want to remember to enjoy life and have love.

So, I sit here in Asia. Far from my home. Far from my love. Amidst a torrent of chaos. Just days before I start my 42nd year. I can say without hesitation: I have all those things.

I’m not perfect. I mess up all the time. Just watch how un-yogic I get when getting off an airplane (I travel a lot) and someone in the row behind me tries to leave first. Listen, I’m a very patient person … but “Really! Do ya not know how the exiting of the plane is supposed to work?!”

That said, I’m proud of my choices this past week. I’ve tried to stay steady, ask everything and hide nothing. And, I have remained hopeful (with just a few moments of despair and sadness).

And here we are today. Many of my friends, for whom I have the highest respect, have left and my heart goes out to each of them. No matter how one judges their choices, these are deeply good people who care about the same things I care about. My heart also goes out to all the people who don’t have a certification to resign. Having traveled the world teaching for five years, I was blessed with the evidence long ago that Anusara Yoga was bigger than John Friend already.

It can best be summed up by this story: I told my Immersion II students here in Singapore two days ago about the scandal (I had to because the bags under my eyes are now bigger than the suitcase I live out of!); and after the long, gory dissertation was over, one student said …. Who’s John Friend? I couldn’t help but laugh. She then said, OH! I skipped that part of the manual! LMAO

Here’s the deal (for me anyway). I think it’s fine if someone resigns or ends their affiliation with the business … whether they keep teaching Anusara principles or not. I sure plan to teach the same way I have been. And an aside: I’ve been teaching better than ever this past week. Something to be said about great pressure breeding a crystalization of what you believe.

It seems to many the world is going to be radically different with all of this change. It’s not. The name on the class schedule may or may not change, but the method will be the same. I’ve helped too many people get out of pain with the Universal Principles to stop loving and using them.

In fact, the reason for not formally resigning is I’m really, honestly not that affected by Anusara, Inc. For me, its major role is the certification process. It’s been incredible to be a part of a system where you don’t get certified unless you know your stuff. There are significant flaws in the system of course, but there is consensus in the larger yoga community on the high quality of the teachers who are certified.

Regarding John, let me bullet point this:

-He’s told me he will be leaving on sabbatical for an extended time and would return to teaching only after advised to do so by his therapist(s). The plural is because he will most likely use multiple approaches to address these issues.
-He hopes he can face his demons and heal because he says he hopes he can someday return to the seat of the teacher.
-I’ve been told I’m enabling him. A point I totally understand and is serious.
-I can only say that it just hasn’t felt right to shut him out yet
and I’m very much an innocent-until-proven-guilty-constitution sort of guy
-On that note, if or when there’s proof with regard to the more serious allegations I will be the first to help bring those to light.
-I’ve had to ask this man, who taught me so many great things, some of the most uncomfortable questions of my life.
-And the recrimination moments regarding power differentials in relationships were by far the strangest role reversal ever for me.
-Now, I’m assuming it’s all exposed. If that’s not true or if I find he has mislead me, nothing I’ve said above will change. I will just stop talking to him.

Regarding the future:

-Well, who knows really? That’s why they call it the future.
-I think we the Anusara community can build whatever we want, period full stop.
-I’ll be happy to help start a new yoga school, I’ll be happy try to fix Anusara. Honestly, I’m just not that freaked out.
-I certainly would hate it if it sounds like I’m being insensitive and diminishing the pain my friends have gone through, or not acknowledging the severity of the situation. I promise I’m not. I am in a great deal of pain myself. I’m just not scared.
-For me, the principles have done what they promised: when the shit hit the fan, I paused, made the best choice possible, and then spent my day in service of others.
-I would not say this resulted in bliss (the word many people accuse Anusara of mis- or over-using) but it was the content, loving and integrity-filled Ananda for sure.

So, we go on. I hope I can keep teaching. I hope I can keep growing and I hope more people around the world accomplish their dreams as well.

much love

Ross

Dear Friends in the Anusara Community

I’m writing from Indonesia where the bright sun is reminding me that this too shall pass.

This morning (Indonesia time) I recommended to John he take a break from teaching for a time of reflection following the Miami workshop and for a significant period of time. I believe this would serve him and the community.

He agreed.

There are, however, respected friends of mine who have or will soon decide that the allegations against John Friend are such that they can no longer have their name associated with him. I understand why they need to make that choice. Like them, I’ve been struggling with what to do.

Firstly, let me state my gratitude for all John has taught me. Even so, I’ve tried to have unbiased, even hypercritical eyes this past week due to the gravity of the situation and my own possible blind spots. I’ve asked him uncomfortable things in order to get to the truth.

But Anusara Yoga is bigger than John Friend.

He’s made mistakes, but I am standing by him since he’s given me his assurance he is retreating from the seat of the teacher and with the help of spiritual and professional guidance go into a period of self-reflection to understand the issues which precipitated his moral violations.

I believe the global Anusara Yoga community, will continue to benefit from the Universal Principles of Alignment, irrespective of this crisis.

My choice is to stand by John as he steps back. My goal will be to teach yoga and do what’s necessary to help pick up the pieces, along with those who will help me do so. There are doubts we can actually change things, but I’m willing to try.

Also, I believe all the organizational issues with the Anusara structure can be fixed, including corporate restructuring.

If John stands by his word, I will stand by him.

I recognize reasonable people will disagree about what Anusara Yoga and its moral core are. And I understand the tendency of people to generalize; still I have always believed as long as Anusara Yoga remains about principles and not dogma, there is room for me.

John’s behavior and Anusara Yoga are closely associated and that might be as bad as dogma. But I choose to stay until John has a chance to retreat and there is space for the changes to occur.

Like all of us, I have benefitted from Anusara Yoga and I don’t want to step away, when the good is veiled and it seems dark.

To those on the outside looking in: Whether you think this is about justice or truth, everyone agrees yoga, and yoga leaders should be a positive force in the world. Anusara Yoga is. Please give us time to fix our house.

The following is the text of an article I wrote for Origin Magazine.

Seeing the Big Picture
by Ross Rayburn

I was reading the newspaper at Starbucks this morning and overheard a guy at the register pontificating, after announcing that he was an acting teacher, about how everything in the world can be achieved through the universal principles of acting. His passion left no doubt about the high regard he has for what he does in life.

My first thought was: this is how I sound when I talk about Anusara Yoga. I tend to be quite passionate and to someone who might overhear my advocacy, I probably sound a little over the top.

The next thought was how this happens to most of us. It seems quite human to become enamored, if not wedded to the habits and circumstances we’ve collected in our lives. It makes total sense that we own our experiences and that it’s a short step to going overboard and seeing everything we do and feel through a lens deeply tinted by those experiences.

And this probably gets in our way. You could say it’s even a human defect that our biases often mask reality and obscure the path we should actually follow in our innate desire to grow.

This prompted my next thought: Anusara Yoga addresses this tendency by encouraging us to see to the highest perspective first, in any situation. (And yes, it’s noted that the first sentence of this paragraph is an example of what I’m talking about!)

Basically, what this means to me, is at minimum to have an intention and at most to consistently remember to not lose sight of the big picture. Of course life will naturally and incessantly pull us into the minutiae. However, the skill of keeping an open mind, and for that matter, an open heart is another thing entirely.

The Sanskrit word that goes well here is Upeksha. It’s one of my favorite words for this reason. It basically means to step back and see life from an elevated perspective. It’s similar to the objectivity we have when there is distance from a situation.
It’s a great concept to ponder and practice. Stress, chaos or even mundaneness pulls us into the myopia of “the small picture” and our ability to choose the highest or best course of action is usually diminished. Yet, pausing, taking a breath, and even just trying to see the big picture can be a magical strategy for navigating just about every situation in life.

This is of course, not easy. I always like to joke that as soon as I think I’ve learned how to practice Upeksha, the universe has a wonderful way of saying, “try this!” When we’re faced with great challenge or intensity, the ability to pause, I would argue, is an extremely sophisticated spiritual skill.

Still, even though I don’t always make good choices, the Upeksha strategy really works. And like any skill, you get better at it over time.

So, when I talk about how much I love Anusara Yoga because of all of the blessings this practice has offered me and how it’s elevated my teaching and my life, I do my best to remember that there’s a bigger picture of yoga … a bigger base of spirituality upon which Anusara is built. The result is sweet. My enthusiasm inspires rather than alienates. I find I connect with more people. And when I advocate my beliefs after orienting them to a grand vision, they are more often received with the loving intention from which they came.

Upeksha … try it!

Thanks to the Katie-s for a fun interview. I’m looking so forward to rocking out in DC this weekend.

I’ve spent the last week speaking through an interpreter.  Seven hours a day speaking in truncated sentences, to the point where I’m not sure if I’ll be able to carry on a full conversation again anytime soon.

Along the way I’ve actually been able to learn a thing or two in Korean.  It’s been super fun and inspiring.  Last night in fact, I spent the better part of four hours simply studying the Korean alphabet from an online language site.

Please note this last sentence my friends who think I’ve got this glamorous life traveling around the globe teaching yoga … I said, “I spent my evening studying the Korean alphabet!”  Glamorous, huh?!

So, it makes sense that today, while heading back from my daily lunchtime rendezvous with the woman who serves up garlic spinach at the deli, I was struck by the thought that it’s really a shame we Americans are not more well versed in languages other than English.  It was probably directly brought on because my deli lady had welcomed me today with, “anyang haseyo (hello in Korean) handsome.”

Sure, I’m probably guilty of flirting with her to get a little extra spinach … but I’m thinking, given that she’s never greeted me this way in the other 50 times I’ve come to her counter, that she had given some thought to this word.  “Handsome” is not the most common English word yet she was definitely being sweet and I’m thinking had put some thought into this. This was someone who wanted to make a connection and knew that language did just that.

What really stuck with me though, was that all I could say to her in response was “kamsamneda (thank you).”

Seriously, that’s all I had! I have spent more than six weeks in Korea, over the course of the past year and that’s basically all I had.

I suppose I could have told her to interlace her fingers behind her back which is the one phrase I’ve learned in every country I’ve taught … for shoulder stretching purposes … but you can imagine that would probably been a little misunderstood at the deli counter.

And then I couldn’t shake the thought.  Why is it we Americans are so adamant about the sovereignty of our native tongue!

I had had this thought before.  Often it happens in Europe where people can often speak upwards of five or six languages.  But it hit me again today when I realized that I’ve spent more time in Korea this year than at home and the lovely lady at the deli could out do me in the language department in a heartbeat.

Now, I know the arguments for why it’s easier to learn English as a second language.  It’s the international language … it’s the language of the internet.  Well, whatever the case … others have learned it and for the most part we haven’t reciprocated.

Yes, of course there are the exceptions … those few Americans who can spout off more than the George Bush level of Spanish.  But let’s be honest … they are pretty few and far between.

So what the heck is our problem and worse … what’s really behind the English only movement??

This is a topic that I feel really needs to be exposed for the idiocy it really is.  I mean, for goodness sake, “English Only” is like saying, “Limited Intelligence Only!”  God forbid we develop our brain to the level that we have the capacity to read a sign in another language.

Do I understand why people shout for English only? Of course.  But seriously, it’s not the language that they’re worried about.  It’s something much deeper … their freedom.

Do we really think those up in arms over the language are worried about offending Chaucer or Shakespeare?  I think not.  I’d actually venture to say that the vast majority of people who yell for English only could not tell you the difference between a participle and preposition.  The sanctity of the language is not what it’s about (and yes, I know I just ended the sentence with a proposition).

The worry is the culture.  The idea is that if our language has to share the stage with another language, then so too will other things, things much more significant like employment and health care.

This is of course a valid issue to be raised.  Providing for one’s family has always had to take into account the potential encroachment of others into our established level of freedom.

Now, are those fears possibly also overblown? Probably but that’s not my beef here.  I mention them only to say …  fight those battles honestly.  If you’re worried about your job being taken … there’s plenty of ways to wage that war that are both respectable and progressive.  But to simply say it’s about English just feels cheap and easy.

And … to the original point … it’s completely counterintuitive!

Have you ever heard of someone not getting a job because they spoke another language!!?? “I’m sorry sir, you fit every qualification except we can’t have someone with your mastery of communication … it will ruin our company.” Please.

Plus, every bit of scientific evidence points to the benefits of knowing another language.  There was a recent study pointing out that the symptoms of Alzheimers are reduced in those who speak multiple languages.

That’s not even to mention the spiritual benefits.  Yes, that right … gotta make it spiritual.

My best way to explain this was the night I was sitting at a dinner in Koppelen, Belgium with the family that was hosting me.  A family of six and me.  Six Belgians, one American … IN BELGIUM … and we spoke English … all of us the entire dinner.

At the end of the dinner one of the sons who had struggled the most to keep up with the all English conversation said to me, “thank you for coming to Belgium …  I learned so much tonight and I love practicing English.”

What’s spiritual about that?  Well, if you could have seen his face there was such a sweet appreciation for that which was different and for learning about someone else.  I couldn’t help but think,  if we would have relied on my language skills alone, there would have been basically zero connection between me and that family.  It would have been an evening that began as a family and a foreigner and ended up the same.  Rather, I ended up with a family that would probably take me in on a moments notice because we actually traversed some deep topics and genuinely got to know each other, human to human. That’s spiritual.

So, yes, I do understand that people put up walls in order to protect what they think is the space of their liberty.  But can we agree that language is not a cancer and falls far short of the insidious threat that is often hung on its mantle.  Can we just agree that because a few more inches of sign are taken up … or a few more moments of listening are required, our world will not come crashing down?

And that in fact, it’s quite the opposite.  Whether you see it as a good thing or not … we are all connected.  And an embrace of something you don’t know like another language or another culture can have magical effects on you and the people around you.  Just ask the deli lady in Seoul how big I smiled when she called me handsome! Magical!